Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
