I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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