suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
