Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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