Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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