And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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