evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
