I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
