I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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