laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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