I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
