True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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