I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
