Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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