pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me I should be a condom model.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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