I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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