i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm passing your future prison.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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