I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
