she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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