It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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