Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
