Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
