Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
