i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
