The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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