we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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