I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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