I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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