So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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