i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
