Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
