If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
