And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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