Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
