I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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