problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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