god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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