Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My feet surprised me
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