im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
