Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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