Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
