dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dick has a subreddit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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