All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
