And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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