id be glad to
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
