I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
