i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
