He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
