I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
