There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
