i think my tv is drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
