oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
