Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
