How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
