My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
